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secret post 1 - the worst video game titles

Admittedly when coming up with a list for the worst video game titles, there’s a lot of options to choose from, confusing or nonsense titles are one of the most reliable things in the industry, an obvious example is the reboot/remake tendency to use the same title as the original, (which would you rather play, doom or doom?) the haphazard solution for this usually winds up involving (unofficially) adding the year to a titles release. The other, arguably worse route is titles like Mortal Kombat 1, Battlefield 1, or the Xbox one, which not only feel the need to ruin the culturally created solution of adding the year, but ruin the naming conventions for their original games. Admittedly these are all boring to us though, even as infuriating as they are in an industry so ready to throw away and erase it’s past, while also refusing to create new ideas, creating an ouroboros of reboots, these are boring picks, and giving them any award feels wrong.

Then there are titles that just sound wrong, though most of them are deliberately designed to sound bad, you can’t tell me the people making Mr. Nutz had no idea what they were doing, that they didn’t title their game with the idea that people would be mad/giggling about it decades after it’s release, when it’s found in a used game shop for over $300 and people get to say “oh look, it’s Mr. Nutz for $300”. Well, guess what, I’m not going to give them the satisfaction of giving these clowns the worst game title. We here at secret game club say fuck the developers of Mr. Nutz and we hope they burn in hell.

Then there are games like WCW: Backstage Assault, which, to its credit does sound like a real wresting headline, just a very, very, unfortunate one (likely one involving Vince McMahon).

Our personal award for worst video game title will have to go to Alfred Hitchcock’s Vertigo, a VR reboot of the Hitchcock classic with the coolest poster ever, which not only does a personal title grievance of adding the creators name into the title but also has nothing to do with the creator referenced! Alfred Hitchcock is Dead! He’s buried in the ground! He had nothing to do with this game! Between the two Vertigos only one of them has to do with Hitchcock and it is not the one he actually directed. Moreover, it is ruining the word Vertigo, one of the coolest sounding medical terms I can think of by adding more words to it. With this in mind, we here at secret game club would like to award Alfred Hitchcock’s Vertigo, our award for worst game title. Congratulations, we knew you could do it.